I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
