I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
