Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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