I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
