quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just invented taco cereal.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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