um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize