That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
