I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
