They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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