I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
