I skipped work to stalk him.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
