PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
