Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
