They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
