I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
We are two peas in an std pod
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
