Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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