Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
