It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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