Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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