I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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