i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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