I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
