that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
