Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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