i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
