Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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