You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
