he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
