after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
