She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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