:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
