fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
someone owes me an orgasm
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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