Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
