I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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