We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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