I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
