You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
