I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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