His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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