I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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