Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
