he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Randomize
