last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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