Don't you send me to vm
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
