every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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