yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
