Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Randomize
