somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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