i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
