my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
