Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
