i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
