my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
And my parents said I crawled through the house
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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