i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just had sex on a roof
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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