in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
