yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
